Buddhism for Breakups by Laurie Meshel;

Author:Laurie, Meshel;
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Schwartz Publishing Pty, Limited

6

Change

Odds are, if you’re reading this book you are actively seeking change, although you might not have consciously realised it. Maybe the idea even terrifies you. But here you are, paying good money for tips on getting through a break-up, which suggests to me that you want to change the way you’ve been doing it.

Whether you initiated the break-up or were unceremoniously dumped, the place you find yourself in now is not good and you want to change it, right? Well, in order for you to feel differently in the world, eventually you have to change the way you react to it.

If you want to change your reactions, it has to come from within, from the way you treat and speak to yourself. It has to be a quiet, peaceful and personal revolution. You have to do it alone. You have to embrace change.

The kinds of changes that break-ups bring about can seem like a long shopping list of losses. On a very practical level, we can lose our homes, our pets, our friends, our income and even our children. We can feel as though everything we’ve worked for has been taken from us in the cruellest of circumstances, by someone we once loved and trusted.

If that’s how you’re feeling, I want to give you permission right here and now to feel it. Feel it all the way from the soles of your feet to the end of every frazzled strand of hair on your head. Scream it out or cry about it if that’s what you need to do. Don’t let those feelings nibble away at you slowly. Challenge them. Face them. Chase them down the rabbit hole and see for sure where they lead. You could spend the rest of your life worrying about what’s at the bottom of that hole, afraid to move in any direction in case you fall in. Don’t worry about it. Hurl yourself down there headfirst. You’ll be amazed how deep and mysterious it isn’t!

If you’ve already done that, and gone all the way with those feelings, you’ll know they lead nowhere profound or helpful. All there is down there is exhaustion, disbelief and sadness, and there’s only so long we can stay in that dark place. There’s only so many times we can say ‘I can’t believe this is happening to me’ before we get bored with it.

It’s happening. So what are you going to do about it?

Eventually we all find ourselves standing up and moving towards the light. This is a critical moment. We can decide to hibernate some more, or we can choose to break free, seek out ideas, find inspiration and creatively solve our problems. We can change our lives for the better.

I lost my home in our break-up. All my adult life I’d dreamt of having a ‘forever home’ that my children would grow up in and come back to visit with their own families. I really thought I’d found it when we bought a quirky renovator’s dream in a peaceful beachside suburb.

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